How to be poor all your life

It’s pretty easy, just follow this formula.  First of all, don’t get married.  Try to have as much sex with as many partners as you can but don’t get too attached.  This way you will create offspring which you’ll be required to support however you can, and you’ll have very little help from the other person with whom you made these children because, after all, you never formed any sort of bond with that person.

Next, don’t bother with too much education.  If high school seems boring or takes up too much of your time, drop out.

Finally, don’t try to live on a paycheck from a steady job.  Sign up for food stamps (it’s actually a debit card, pretty cool), and as much other welfare as you can get.  Look into Social Security disability.  These government programs will keep you going on some level, not a very high level, but you won’t starve and you’ll have at least some money for beer and drugs.  If you need more money turn a few tricks if you’re a girl, or look into some small time drug dealing if you’re a guy.

There you have it.  Follow this plan, and I guarantee you’ll be poor and wretched all your life.  As I once heard someone say, you will be “circling the drain.”

Now that you know how to make yourself poor, you also know what to do if it is your desire to never be poor.