On being “completely honest” with the man you plan to marry

So this 23-year old writes to advice columnist Carolyn Hax about her boyfriend problem. This is the guy she wants to marry, the best friend she’s ever had, the perfect guy, etc. Because he’s so great she decides to be “completely honest” with him and tell him her entire sexual history, including things she’s done with previous boyfriends she won’t do with him. I guess because, you know, he’s marriage material.

Oops! Now he doesn’t want to marry her. She’s baffled. What’s wrong with him?, she asks Hax.

This woman, who dumped a load of dirty laundry on her boyfriend, has no concept of what men are about, how fragile the male ego is when it comes to sexual matters and the woman they hope is committed to them. No understanding of how a couple million years of evolution and female sexual selection has molded modern man to have a very possessive attitude toward “his woman.” How he knows she’s not a virgin and he’s OK with that, but he really doesn’t want to know the details of her sex life before he met her. Mainly, how that knowledge can be emotionally crippling for him.  How that knowledge can mean, for him, she’s not marriage material.

The other woman, the advice columnist Carolyn Hax, is just as dense and clueless on this subject as the letter writer. Her advice is downright laughable. “He’s the one who has to get past this” she says. What? Why did dirty laundry woman want to give the man she loves something he has to “get past?” Then Hax goes over the top and advises the woman to forget all about him because he’s obviously immature, in fact “young and stupid.”

Hax should have told this woman that she is the one who is young and stupid, that she is the one who poisoned the well. Telling him her entire sexual history was not being “completely honest,” it was an act of self indulgence that made this man decide he’d rather be one of her previous boyfriends than be her husband.

I suggest she satisfy her need to be completely honest by posting her entire sexual history on her Facebook Page. She’s probably done that already. If so, she can look forward to having a lot of previous boyfriends. No husband though, unless he’s a dimwit.

I wonder if I can get a gig as an advice columnist?


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